Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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