ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
