I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
