I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
