I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
