thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish you could order shots online.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
