Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
