I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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