I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
