How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
