i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
