i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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