I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
