physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
