hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
