she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
too bad you live with your parents still
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
