Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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