FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Found your dick twin last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
