i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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