remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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