She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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