It's Friday. Sex?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
