I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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