I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
