he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
