I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
