I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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