i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
