I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
