I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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