The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
