Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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