sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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