i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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