We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
