eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
