White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
