i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
