Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
