That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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