I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
