She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
