Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
