He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
