A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
only if we run a train.
done.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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