Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
