Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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