I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
