honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and she was petting her beer can
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
