i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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