i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
