i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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