i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Too much gin, very little bucket
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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