Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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