its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
