Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Congratulations! We have a period
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