i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
