Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
