we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
