just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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