Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
