We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
