This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
