this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this hospital has no fireball
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
