i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
