grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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