There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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